Some days you wonder why you made the decision to do paleo. Something as simple as going out to eat with your family for a nice lunch is made difficult. Planning birthdays becomes a headache because you want your kids to get a chance to indulge but you don't want them to get sick because of it. Those days are tough.
But where have we come from in only the month or so that we've been home and been able to fully commit to paleo? I've lost 12 pounds so far. My scale is stuck at the moment, but I started working out and am noticeably gaining muscle. My children are sleeping better. This includes my son Rylan who moved in with us and had before never slept through an entire night in his four years of life! All of my children are blossoming into healthy eaters and are getting a better understanding as we go, why Mommy and Daddy made the choice not to eat certain foods. My kids are generally happier and I've even noticed an improvement in Madison's ability to concentrate. I am generally less depressed, more motivated, and when I keep my diet balanced am usually a more balanced person.
I warn you though, not every day is easy. I have those days I wish I could go back. I wish I could eat whatever I wanted. I wish I could unflip that unflippable switch. And then I think about what I'd be going back to... It's not just food choices you go back to. I'd go back to my hypoglycemia acting up, sore and achey joints, passing out asleep mid day for no reason and unable to wake up for up to 3 hours. I go back to an even deeper battle with depression, paranoia, and anxiety.
My journey has probably been harder than most. It's probably been harder than what most people should go through. But in the end, I tell myself, "You must keep going forward!" There's nothing left behind me. I want to live a full and happy life. I want to grow old with my husband and see our kids grow up and have kiddos of their own. I don't want to settle. That storm took away plenty of opportunities but it gave one of the best gifts...an opportunity to concentrate on myself. I have time to spend with my kids. I can get them ready for school, I can get my body and mind in order...then it'll be my time to go out into the world and work and see what good I can do. Who knows where this journey will lead me.
I'm definitely not the perfect role model. I have slip ups, I fall, I have moments where I shout in my head, JUST SKIP THIS WORKOUT! THIS POSE! JUST EAT A CHEESEBURGER! Once won't kill you... But I'm starting to think... That phrase has become the ultimate excuse. What's killing us is the excuse that just one won't kill us! Moderation! This is not a diet about moderation. This journey and I am not about moderation. This diet is about seeking out the strongest version of yourself. It is molding and shaping the rest of your life. It takes hard work and determination to grow yourself into a new person! Just think how much work it takes to grow a baby!
I may not be the strongest version of myself yet, but I'm stronger than I was in April. I'm stronger than I was yesterday. I have peace in my heart, and strength in my body. I will succeed. If I fall, I'll jump back up. If I slip up, I won't feel guilty, I'll just do better next time and learn. I won't make excuses and I'll spread this around! Why!? Because I care that everyone around me feels as awesome as I do. Everyone deserves to feel the strongest version of themselves. The awe that I stand before myself now in my mind. I stand before the strongest version of myself as I am. I can hug myself and appreciate the journey and love myself now, and love my future self.
A friend told me the other day that I was inspiring! Me! Little ole me! I inspired someone! And whether she's the first and the last I am so thankful. My job isn't done, but I have a check mark. Why be ordinary...when you can be extraordinary?
Lots of love and peace to you and your journey,
Ami M. Lee
Journey on the Final Countdown
